Today

So, I said I would start posting regularly on Tuesdays, and guess what today happens to be!

Yep, it’s Wednesday.

Close enough.

I’m still really struggling to make myself…. do pretty much anything. But I feel more hopeful these past few days, and although it’s still a struggle, it’s a slightly more successful struggle than it has been in the past. I do at least one thing I feel good about most days now.

I’ve been watching node tutorials and learning about docker, but I’m getting anxious to get back to coding, start my project. It’s tricky, because I want to know the stuff taught in the pluralsight courses so that I can use it in my project, but I don’t want to wait to start my project until I’ve finished the whole course (cause I’m suddenly impatient. If only I had started earlier).

Yesterday, I met with the career services lady from the bootcamp I went to. I reached out to her last week because I was feeling lost and disappointed in myself. We came up with some things for me to do in the next two weeks and then we’ll check back in. I think I was already starting to get my head on straight before I saw her, but I appreciate the tiny bit of structure that meeting with her provides.

There’s another person offering me structure. I met her at a Meetup, and knew I had to be her friend (people who burst into song when the conversation provides an accidental cue are my kind of people). She’s given me the assignment to finish up my personal website by next week. I find her company very inspiring. She seems to believe I can do the things, so I just sort of roll with it and pretty soon I’m doing the things. It’s like magic. Also, she’s fun to be around.

In other news, I spent the whole of yesterday in San Francisco and ALMOST didn’t binge. I actually just sort of decided against all sorts of amazing things, not because I’d made some declaration,  but just to see if I could. When I finally did give in I think part of the problem was I was distracted by a podcast and not really noticing what I was doing… I was just sort of automatically serving myself frozen yogurt, and pretty soon it was over and I was all “what just happened?” But I’m choosing to focus on the hours and hours of not giving in, because that is progress. Usually, the first thing I do when no one is looking is buy (not joking) three or four pasties and eat them, sometimes more than once a day, nearly every day. These binges are not satisfying, but I typically regret it if I miss an opportunity. Yeah, you ready that right. I regret NOT bingeing. That’s part of what was so cool about yesterday though, was I actually felt pretty good about saying no.

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